Monopoly Tax Taking Glimmers to Task

Some of you may have noticed that September 13th came and went without a Musing from this part of the world. I've been in a tough place mentally. My physical health has been more challenging than usual. While I had some wonderfully sweet trimmers and even outright glimmers, I struggled with finding words of value to share. So, I gave myself a little grace and worked to rest in His yoke… not picking up a burden He didn't intend for me to carry at that moment.

But during these days of struggle, I've been immersed in a game reminiscent of real-life Monopoly. The real-life rules differ slightly from the board game but still provide for never-ending play. In my real-life game, money is energy, cards are life opportunities, and rent is decision tax.

Let me tell you, readers, my starting $1500 is long spent! I've tried to make wise decisions as I rolled my way around the board with Chance and Community Chest cards galore. But right now, I've got ¼ of the board to go before I pass "GO" yet again and collect another $200 of energy.

My family and friends, who have so kindly played the game with me, provided reasonable accommodations for this disabled player. They invited me to their homey houses and gorgeous hotels. They even shared some of the most scenic railroad routes and offered free utilities when I was near. In my life version of Monopoly, they joyfully let me join their busy and beautiful lives. The bravest of the brave even slowed down their stride to match my wheels. We shared glimmers and pointed out things we might have missed because of our height or speed difference!

Okay then, so how can I be out of Monopoly energy bucks? Why isn't this my favorite game ever? Well, I haven't introduced you to the decision tax. As an acute, chronically ill player, I have this unique form of taxation. No matter how I proceed with the Chance or Community Chest card(s), this tax is required. If I say "yes" to the card, I'll have a "physical recovery tax" to pay. If I answer "no" to the option, I'll have a "detangling of emotions tax" to settle.

Now granted, that "detangling of emotions tax" is often self-inflicted. Feelings of guilt for letting my family down by not being present or, conversely, FOMO (fear of missing out.) These feelings put a massive strain on my mind and deep in my heart. These are the thoughts that I struggle to grab captive and examine through the lens of God's Word. I'll be honest. I'm struggling with this tax system. Satan knows my weakest points and throws flaming darts to burn down my newly found trimmers! My trimmers are still trying to create those new pathways in my brain and transform them into full-on glimmers. I'm a newbie in training my mind to redefine its courses, and often, my trimmers truly quiver as I try to see His loving gift of glimmers… glimmers almost too bright for me to open my eyes and behold! I'm more frustrated with myself that - yet again - I'm missing the trimmers and staring at the edge of triggers. Why can't I get this right? It feels like déjà vu; why do I keep revisiting this same scenario? (I'm reminded of a conversation I had with my 8-year-old, Lovie, where after chastising her for disobedience, she broke into a sob, saying, "Why do I have to the be the only kid that can't get it right? Everybody else is obedient and shows responsibility. Just watch the vlogs! Why am I the only one that is a "worm of a man?"[1] Her words resonated with me in those moments!)

At the present, I'm holding my dice, getting ready to roll my turn again. But I'm just plum out of energy even to drop the dice, let alone add the numbers, move my top hat token, and process the next decision. Then, after I gumption up enough energy for those tasks, I'll have to battle with my "Decision Tax." And somewhere about right now, I freeze up. My physical body starts spitting out a list of all that's wrong today: exhaustion, nausea, labored breathing, severe coughing, snarling pain, nerve endings on fire, a racing heart, and fractured rib pain, to name a few. My emotions say they need to rest, and then try to strategize where I'm headed on this Monopoly board. My spiritual mind fumes with David of old, "How LONG, oh Lord? How long will you hide your face? Are you gonna forget me FOREVER??!?[2] I've lost it, God! Come quick to my side! God, DON'T LOOSE A MINUTE."[3]

I think I accidentally hit the "mute" button on the background noise of life while simultaneously screaming those words out loud… like for reals! Que the crickets. All eyes are on me. But the floor doesn't feel obliged to open and give me a way to escape. Those around me stare in concern because I'm supposed to be playing a fun game of Monopoly, finding trimmers, and enjoying their company. With raised eyebrows, they hesitantly ask, "You okay there, SM?"

I don't know. Am I? Where's my fight? I remember the words, "It's okay if the only thing you do today is breathe." And so, I quietly respond, "Yeah. I'm okay. I'm just gonna be breathing in and out for a bit."

"Come to me, all you who are weary

and burdened, and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from

me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."[4]

"Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations,

I will be exalted in the earth."[5]

"You, Lord, give true peace

to those who depend on you,

because they trust you."[6]

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God;

my hope comes from him."[7]

So maybe I need to set aside my Monopoly Game for a bit. Perhaps I need to stop looking and straining. Maybe I just need to be still. Maybe I should take my Lord up on His offer of rest and hope. Maybe I've put too much on my yoke, and He wants to offer me a new one – with a lighter burden. Maybe … just maybe, it's okay just to breathe.

SEVENTY-TWO

HOURS LATER

Hi there again! I'm glad ya stuck around through my haywire confusion of thoughts. So what changed in the last three days filled with Bible study, prayer, rest, and struggle? First, I did pack up my game for now. Second, I worked to retrain my mind to look again to my mighty Lord alone! The Lord is mightier than the waves of the sea.

"God is mightier than the thunder

of many waters, mightier than

the breakers of the sea,

mightier than the waves of the sea."[8]

I'm working on focused and intentional rest. Recognizing my mind's triggers, allowing new pathways to be blazed for my trimmers, and trusting the Lord to turn them into glimmers!

There is something about His creation that calms the soul. Breathing in the purest air. Tasting the richness of earth's harvest. Hearing the breathtaking wonder of the pounding surf or the bubbling brook. Listening to the birds' gentle chirp or the katydids' rhythmic cadence. His creation reminds me of my smallness. And His greatness and creativity. If He can keep track of each little creature in the world, surely even my most profound problems aren't too big for Him to solve!

So, what happened on my three rotations of the earth on its axis? The Lord gave me an exciting way for the LITBOAE community to unite and sprinkle hope! Picture this: Your golden ticket to help us find those micro-moments, cueing our hearts to calm in Christ and sparking hope as we reshape our hearts in gentle ways. It's an invitation to join me in finding Trimmers of Hope!

Grab your ever-near cell phone and snap pictures of His created wonder! Capture a moment that reminds you of His power - even in weakness. Take some frame-worthy snapshots of His hope on display. Then post your trimmer (or maybe your full-on glimmer!) photos as a comment on this post. Or, if you're over on Insta, help me fill #litboaeGlimmers with beautiful reminders of hope from our loving Father. Make sure you tag @LITBOAE in your post, too! You can even text me your trimmer or glimmer pictures to (424) 26-BLINK. I'll be glad to post them for you on LITBOAE's Instagram!

Remember that to find glimmers, we have to retrain our brain pathways. "We're not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection," Dana reminds. "These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways."[9] We reframe our thoughts to look for the sparkles. And sometimes, that starts with a trimmer - a trigger turning into a glimmer!

(If you're confused by the trigger, trimmer, and glimmer conversations, jump back a Musing and catch up by reading "A Tryst with Trimmers.")

So how about it? What if we came together as a virtual community to flood our minds with reminders of the beauty around us? Beauty when our Monopoly Tax is exhausting. Beauty when our bodies shut down. Beauty when all strength is gone. Beauty when we can barely keep our head above water. Extra beauty when life is already overflowing with gorgeous! Beauty from sea to shining sea! Beauty from my life. Beauty from your life. Beauty all around us right now!

Keep in mind, fellow travelers, it's okay to actively look for glimmers while strongly lamenting where you're forced to find them! Trimmers do not negate pain. Glimmers do not outshine sorrow. They go hand in hand. Together. Concurrently.

Seeking Glimmers

By Sarah-Marie Henson

(in creative collaboration with ChatGPT)

Look up, my friend, beyond life's strife,

See God's glimmers, the sparkles of life,

From struggles rise, a wondrous view,

His hope surrounds in every hue.

So seek we must, with heart ablaze,

Beyond the norm, in different ways,

For fleeting moments, sparkling bright,

In hidden corners, out of sight.

Lock eyes with hope, don't turn aside,

Embrace it's glow, in Christ, abide,

Thank Him for all that's gone before,

As you seek more, the glimmers to explore.

So look, my friend, with eyes renewed,

The weeks ahead, in gratitude,

For beauty's there, in every frame,

Our Creator's art, hope's gentle flame.

I pray you join me on this journey. I look forward to seeing your #litboaeGlimmers on Instagram and/or in the comments below.

Join Community.

Be Purposeful.

Embrace Trimmers.

Share Glimmers!

Musing out for now... but back in blink,

References:

[1] In Psalm 22:6, David uses the phrase “But I'm a worm and not a man, worm-ed and hated by the best.” to express feeling insignificant and frustrated in life. [2] Paraphrase of Psalm 13:1 NIV [3] Paraphrase of Psalm 70:5 The Message [4] Matthew 11:28-30 NIV [5] Psalm 46:10 NIV [6] Isaiah 26:3 ERV [7] Psalm 62:5 NIV [8] Psalm 93:4 MSG [9] The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana