A Tryst with Trimmers

Sara Moniuszko, a Wellness and Lifestyle Reporter for USA Today, published "Glimmers are the Opposite of Triggers" in March 2022. The critical point of the document is that "Glimmers are small moments that spark joy or peace, which can help cue our nervous system to feel safe or calm." Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker, originally coined the term, Moniuszko says. While I've never studied Ms. Dana's work and can't comment on its validity, I find the basic concept of "glimmers" beautiful! "We're not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection," Dana says. "These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways."[1]

In my last post titled "Purposeful Intentionality," I mused about the challenges of showing up on the scene of our lives. As I've continued to reflect on Psalm 139 and the depth of meaning hidden in those verses, I'm coming to believe a huge part of successfully showing up to the scene of our lives is learning to spot "glimmers."

Finding and focusing on the hard is a natural human trait. Super intelligent people call this "negativity bias." "Research has shown that across a wide array of psychological events, people tend to focus more on the negative as they try to make sense of the world."[2] Our worldview predominantly affects our ability to see the good or the negative. These might include our location, history, individuality, and even nationality. So much of what goes into our daily thought patterns reflects far more than just that moment in time.

Have you ever had a great day, and a small offhand comment gets under your skin? When asked later how your day was, you say it was horrible. Horrible why? Because one minute (or less) in the 1,440 minutes of your day took over all the others! Conversely, if we're having a horrible day, and there's a small kind comment, does that change the trajectory of the other 1,439 minutes? If I'm honest, it doesn't as much as the negative.

So while our human negativity bias may cause it to be easier to spot the hard, Scripture doesn't give us a pass. 1 Thessalonians 5 clearly commands, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." It's God's clearly defined will that we rejoice. Negativity bias aside. Romans 12 repeats the command to "Be joyful in hope…" Philippians 4 echoes and instructs, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!"

And here, my friends lies the juxtaposition of my life! How do I rejoice while lamenting? For over two years, I have wrestled with this concept of being joyful in all things while living a life of chronic sorrow.

Can you have deep, abiding joy while

sitting in the ashes of sorrow?

Can you actively look for glimmers while

lamenting where you're forced to find them?

I'm coming to understand that the answer to those two little questions is crucial to my Biblical Worldview. Do joy and sorrow exist individually or concurrently? #triggers #glimmers #trimmers

By searching the lives of Biblical characters such as David, Paul, Job, Peter, and others, we see a clear line to concurrently living in joy and sorrow. "Friend, we don't have to fully understand joy to be able to embrace it during life's toughest seasons."[3] Peter says, "But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."[4] We share in the suffering of Christ while rejoicing in the glory that is to come.

Life is hard. But there is good in the hard. Trying to live a hard life with happiness and bouncing joy is hypocritical and folly. But there is pure human transparency to a life that says, "I know chronic sorrow. But I also know chronic joy." We don't need to hide the sorrow. Nor do we need to be fearful of joy! As strange as that sounds, for those dealing with chronic suffering, there is often fear that we are belittling the sorrow if we embrace the joy. But the two can run concurrently! There is relief and rest in this statement.

While we may find our glimmers in the tragic pain of ashes,

they are still beautiful glimmers of Hope. Our Lord and Savior,

Jesus Christ, provides this Hope fully and entirely.

There is ease in finding joy when all is happy. There is no need for help outside of ourselves. But seeing glimmers in the hard? Now that is a testimony of God's goodness.

Remember that learning to see glimmers is like cutting a new path through the jungle of our brain. Dana says, "These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways." It’s a learned art to see glimmers from the ashes. And each time we find a little sparkle, it trains our mind and heart to rest. It reshapes our thinking to “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”[5]

David often speaks of both emotions flooding his heart. “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”[6] Notice that he doesn’t say his anxiety was replaced with great joy. But the consolation of Christ’s heart, brought him joy in his anxiety. Concurrently. Simultaneously. In parallel. Side by side.

We see this juxtaposition of joy and sorrow in the very life of Jesus. “Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross…”[7] But we also read that just a few hours before His grueling death, He “fell on His face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me…”[8] We feel this tension of joy in God’s will and the overpowering pain of this earthly life. Triggered glimmers… all at once.

Hundreds of articles have been written on how to find joy! A simple Google search will give you thousands of Biblical and self-help reading hours. The purpose of this blog isn’t about how to find joy.

It’s to give yourself permission to live in the

delicate parallelism of joy and sorrow.

A few nights ago, while recovering from an asthma flair, I carefully transferred from bed to wheelchair before a fit of coughing doubled over. After finally getting air back in my lungs, I wheeled into the kitchen for dinner with my family. Shortly after, we all had little projects and were quietly enjoying each other’s company. I pulled out my colored pencils and Bible postcards. “THOSE WHO HOPE IN THE LORD WILL RENEW THEIR STRENGTH,” one said. With the card inches from my eyes due to blurred eyesight, I let the pencil lead brighten the black and white page. A few minutes later, I suddenly realized… this was a glimmer! I intentionally acknowledged this moment; I created a new pathway for joy in the struggle —a blurry moment of peace in the life-threatening aftermath of an air shortage.

Over the next few days, my body was on a rollercoaster. From requiring over 240mg of daily IV steroids to titrating down to only 40mg of oral in 14 days. (As a side note comparison, the average “steroid dose pack” you might be given for infection is about 30mg daily.) My poor adrenal glands have long since kaput – a pathology called Adrenal Insufficiency or Addison’s. This causes extreme lethargy. The idea of lifting my finger to scratch my nose is overwhelming. My physical body stops in its tracks and says, “Nope. I’m not gonna do it!” I often lie in bed, ignoring the itch or needing to adjust or rollover. There’s simply no way. Mind over matter doesn’t cut it. Slowly, my system learns to re-adjust yet again to the lower cortisol levels, and energy levels begin to normalize. But in the process, it does a number on your emotions.

During these days, I have done a lot of ruminating on this juxtaposition of glimmers vs triggers. Slowly, my mind and heart settled on the term trimmers. That’s the combination of seeking glimmers in a trigger-filled mind. It’s actively looking for moments of glimmering beauty with trembling hands. Trimmers mean holding on to Hope and refusing to let go even in turmoil. Intentional trimmers lead to changes in our brain’s pathways that become serendipitous glimmers. Glimmers that are not intentionally pursued but instead stumbled upon. Why? Because our brain and heart are more comfortable on the path to glimmers than the pathway to triggers.

It's the Creator’s beautiful way of gifting our minds with the power to “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!” We are one soul of mind, will, and emotion. The Lord uses our brains to give us strength to heed the commands of Scripture to find joy and rejoice. (It’s estimated that there are over 200 admonitions to rejoice in the Bible!)

This journey of life is hard. Really hard. “We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."[9] But as we travel this good/hard[10] life, God gave us each other! “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."[11] I’m here, friends. If you need a listening ear. Someone to sit in the ashes of your trigger. Someone to help you quietly seek a trimmer. Someone to rejoice in your glimmer. That’s Christ’s body in action.

I would love to hear your stories of triggers, glimmers, and/or trimmers! Comment below to share and encourage many. If your message is more personal, click “Say Hi” on the home page or leave me a voicemail at (424) 26-BLINK!

Catch ya in 14 days for the next Musing of life with Chronic Sadness and Chronic Joy,

Sarah-Marie

(Please note that I am not a mental health provider and cannot address a mental health crisis. If you are overwhelmed or feeling triggered, please seek professional care. In the USA, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 by calling 1-800-273-TALK.)

[1] The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana [2] www.verywellmind.com: What Is the Negativity Bias? [3] The Christian Mindset Coach with Alicia Michelle: www.vibrantchristianliving.com [4] 1 Peter 4:13 [5] Philippians 4:4 [6] Psalm 94:19 [7] Hebrews 12:2 [8] Matthew 26:39 [9] 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 [10] Good/Hard Life by Hope Heals authors Katherine & Jay Wolf. www.hopeheals.com [11] Hebrews 10:24-25