In Christ ... I Have Access!

"Well, I’ll just pray that God will give you a baby!"

That Wednesday night, I had rather unceremoniously burst into my pastor’s office, using the well-known "knock-while-opening" move perfected by rambunctious adolescents. As soon as I bound into Bro. Bill’s office, I slid to a stop.

Before me, his wife sat crying. Alarmed, I asked what was wrong. Through her tears, Ms. Carole[1] told me she didn’t have a little girl like me—and she was sad because she wanted to be a mommy.

My seven-year-old heart didn’t see the pain of yet another negative pregnancy test. I couldn’t fathom how years upon years of infertility had shattered their hearts into pieces.

In my childlike mind, it was simple.

We just needed to pray! God would give them a baby, if I asked Him.

With the faith of a child, I told my pastor and his wife that they would have a baby soon… because I was going to start praying!

And pray, I did.

Every morning, I prayed for Bro Bill and Ms. Carole to have a baby, at the close of our family’s devotional time.

A few weeks later, Bro. Bill pulled Dad aside one Sunday morning. “Umm, Jim," he said, eyes wide with wonder. "You’re not gonna believe this… but Carole is PREGNANT!”

About ten months later, I remember walking around the large church parking lot of Flinstone Baptist with Ms. Carole. She was pushing a stroller with their beautiful newborn princess —Lindsey Rose.

I remember babbling on about how I knew all about babies because I had a two-year-old sister, a one-year-old brother, and my mom was pregnant with another baby brother! Confidently, I assured Ms. Carole that I could push the stroller so she could take a rest. Barely tall enough to see over the top, I carefully guided Lindsey’s stroller along, chattering nonstop, telling Lindsey what it was like to be a big girl like me.

Lindsey’s birth propelled me into a faith journey with the Lord. That answered prayer, at such a young age, became my Ebenezer. If God could give a baby, He could do anything!

As my walk with Him deepened and life dealt some heavy blows, I came to understand that God wasn’t my personal genie in a bottle. I had to reconcile the truth that while God could do anything at any time, He didn’t always choose to answer as I asked.

And therein, my friends, lies the crux of

deep faith and unrelenting prayer.

Still, in His great wisdom, God knew I needed a “wowser fireworks” kind of answer as I began my personal walk with Him.

And He gave me just that. The birth of Lindsey Rose.  But He wasn’t done with this story just yet.

Some thirty-one years later, on May 18, 2024, I had the incredible privilege of meeting the baby I had “prayed into existence.” Our hearts were already connected by the threads of God’s faithfulness, but seeing the incredible woman she had become felt spiritually surreal. Lindsey is a CRNA, married to Bo, a law enforcement officer. They have formed a home centered around Jesus Christ and His glory. I found myself listening to her share her story and feeling so honored to have played a little piece in the beginning!

Over dinner, we reminisced about the mighty power of God—past and present. We shared memories of how those weeks of prayer went. And we laughed at His goodness.

I left on a spiritual high. I was acutely reminded that God is always working, even if my circumstances don’t allow me to always feel Him.

In the weeks that followed, Lindsey and I continued chatting through texts.

On June 21st, I asked, "Is there a specific way I can pray for you and Bo?"

She responded, “Interesting you ask, considering you prayed for me to be born… but would you pray that I get pregnant?"

A smile spread across my face. The holiness of this moment wasn’t lost on me.  Bo and Lindsey had been trying to grow their family for eighteen months.  The ever present “not pregnant” a monthly disappointment. 

"That puts a smile in my heart," I replied. "Nozomi-Dawn and I will be praying that the Lord opens your womb - that another generation would be born to display His power. And that in the process of seeking and longing, He would be glorified."

Thus, Lovie and I began praying!

Every day, my daughter lifted her voice, asking God to give Ms. Lindsey a baby. One evening, I listened as she prayed, “God, please open Ms. Lindsey’s womb and fill her empty arms.” Tears glistened in my eyes.

"God," I whispered, "how amazing would it be if You used my daughter to pray another baby into this world?  So that Your name would be glorified yet again."

On September 18th, Lindsey messaged me. "Is there any way you and Nozomi would want to do a quick FaceTime sometime? That way, Bo can meet you both and see who wrote us that precious letter and who’s been praying for us."

My health was in a rough spot, and it took a little time to find a day when I could think and speak clearly.

Finally, on October 3rd, we connected across the miles. It was so fun to see Lindsey again and put a personality behind the pictures of her husband, Bo.

After the initial greetings and catching up on life for a bit, Dad began transitioning to a time of prayer specifically for a baby.  But Bo and Lindsey beat us to the punch – they had some important news to share first! 

"Well… We wanted to tell you… I’m fourteen weeks pregnant!"  Lindsey beamed. 

Tears immediately filled my eyes. On the other side of the couch, with my parents in the middle, Nozomi-Dawn’s eyes grew as big as saucers.

I could barely process the moment. I just kept thinking, "God did it. Again. God did it!"

About every fifteen minutes, for the rest of the evening, Lovie would exclaim, “Wow, God! Wow!”

Later, as another wave of wonder hit, she said, “Mom, I can’t believe Ms. Lindsey is pregnant. You prayed for her, and I prayed for her baby. It’s so cool how God did it!”

Nozomi-Dawn shared, “I was just in shock and amazement that God answered my prayer with a yes. It’s not that I'm used to “no” or to “yes” or even “wait.” I have a good enough mixture to where it’s normal for me to get a “no” or “yes” or a “maybe.” But I thought it was so cool that God was letting what happened almost 30 years ago happen again! But now the next generation—the same families—but next generation.”

We quickly nicknamed the baby Triple B and continued to pray for his or her growth. Nozomi mimicked the prayer she had heard me pray over the unborn, "Help Triple B grow in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and man.” She added, “And, Jesus, could You maybe let it be a girl?”

On November 18th, we received our first sonogram picture of our precious Triple B. Nozomi-Dawn was through the roof with excitement.

"God said yes, Mom! It’s a girl!!!" She twirled around the room, planning all the gifts she wanted to give and the tea parties she would host.

Yet again, God had answered “yes” to a little girl’s prayer.

My parents had always taught me—through their example—that prayer was simply a conversation with God.

From the first night Nozomi-Dawn and I spent together when she was just eight months old, I have prayed aloud with her.

I clearly remember one holy night when she was about fifteen months old. She crawled into my bed, and I began to pray. After a few words, she put her tiny hand over my mouth and said, “Omi.” (Her attempt at her own name—Nozomi!)

She followed with a solid three minutes of baby babble. Eyes closed and hands clasped, she poured her little heart out to the Lord. She finally looked up and said, “men.”

That was the beginning of seeing a faith grow inside my daughter’s heart. Nozomi has continued to share her heart’s desires, fears, joys, and dreams with her Heavenly Father. Her prayers are conversational—often through tears and laughter. It’s a conversation that acknowledges Jesus is real to her—as she talks and learns to listen to His still small voice.

I recently asked her what prayer meant to her now, at ten years old, having been saved for five years.

“Well, that’s a little bit of a stumper,” she paused reflecting.  “Sometimes it means having an ongoing conversation with God. It can continue throughout the day or sometimes for the next 30 minutes. And there’s no specific way you have to pray. You don’t have to bow your head (although that is recommended so you don’t get distracted!). You don’t have to hold your hands together. You don’t have to close your eyes. And you can pray for anything. It doesn’t mean it will always come true, but God will answer it.”

She continued, “Of course, I never want to stop talking to God. When He says yes, it kind of sparks a fire in me. I know that God is watching out for me. And sometimes He answers those prayers with ‘yes,’ and sometimes His answer is ‘no.’ Sometimes, He answers with ‘maybe.’ But it sparks a fire when He says ‘yes.’ I was just reminded the other day in Bible class that we have not because we ask not. And that sparked something in me. I realized there were things I wanted in life that I hadn’t prayed to ask God if I could have.”

Her gentle voice kept on, “I can’t imagine what it would have been like if God wasn’t right by me. But whenever God says ‘yes’ to my prayer request—like Ms. Lindsey getting pregnant—it feels like a reminder from Heaven dropping over me, saying, ‘I’m still here. I’m watching out for you. I’m not gonna leave you.’ Many times throughout the last years of my life, even at the young age of four - Well, I’m probably still considered young now! – But, I would ask, ‘God, why? Are You even there? Are You really with me? Are You really watching out for me?’ But whenever God answers my prayers with a ‘yes,’ it feels like a little tap on the shoulder or a hug around the neck that says, ‘I got you. I’m gonna pull you back up when you fall. I’m gonna clear your path. I’m gonna lift the boulder that’s in your way.’”

Our heart-to-heart conversation continued, as my eyes filled with tears and my heart with the wonder of childlike faith and wisdom. She continued, “God, I need You. I need somebody. That doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m gonna like all Your answers. I’m not gonna like all the trials You’re gonna put me through. But I understand that they’re for a greater good,” Lovie concluded. 

What I learned at seven, while praying for Lindsey’s conception, was that I had direct access to the Father. And what Lovie began learning around eighteen months old, was that she too, had direct access to her Father.

Just as a child crawls up on a father’s lap, resting their head on his shoulder, and telling them all about their day; so our Father desires for us to rest in His arms and tell Him our heart’s desires.

As Nozomi-Dawn has learned after almost eight years of praying for her Mama’s healing, God doesn’t always answer the way we ask. But He always hears. He always cares. And He always answers. He doesn’t leave us wondering.

So, friends, what is an Ebenezer in your life? It may not be the birth of a beautiful baby girl. Or watching the faith of your own child grow through another conception. But if we peer forward and strain back, we will find His faithfulness.

And while a story so beautiful depicts a high and holy “yes” moment between a mother and her daughter, the deeper reality is that “in Christ, I have access.”

If you feel like you’ve lost that private access to the Father, tell Him. He’s always there with open arms to welcome you back to His throne room, to pour out your heart on His lap. He is your Abba Daddy. And our access to Him is unlimited!

Seek Him:  "You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."[2]

Find Him: "But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find him, if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul."[3]

Pour Out to Him: "Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us."[4]

Build an Ebenezer of Remembrance: "Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen and called its name Ebenezer; for he said, 'Till now the Lord has helped us.'”[5]

Standing on my Ebenezer,

_____________

[1] In true southern form, the term “Mrs” is rarely used.  Shortened to “Miss” when spoken, even if the woman is married.

[2] Jeremiah 29:13 (ESV)

[3] Deuteronomy 4:29 (ESV)

[4] Psalm 62:8 (ESV)

[5] 1 Samuel 7:12 (ESV)